All is fair...


A soft breeze blew into the bedroom on the second floor as two forms stood in each other’s arms. It would of made such a sweet picture..if one wasn’t dripping wet and in her birthday suit.

That fact alone made Alice blush even more, if that was possible. "Hatter?..If you wouldn’t mind?" She tightened her grip on his shirt, not letting him go.

Richard had a wide smile on his face, lost in a dreamy world of his own until her slightly irritated voice snapped him out of it. "What? Oh uh..Of course..." He slid one slim clockwork gloved hand down her back and intentionally missed her nice shapely behind by mere fractions of a centimeter. Picking up the fluffy towel from the floor he wrapped it around her shoulders while she still hung in his arms. "Here you are, love..." He said setting her back down until her feet touched the floor again.

"Thank you." She quickly took the towel and wrapped it around her body. Too many things happened in such a short time. But she was amazingly happy now. And... she was getting married! That was all that mattered.

"You said yes..." The Hatter could hardly whisper as he took in a deep breath. He could swear if he had a heart it would be beating out of control.

The Goth gave a happy nod and pulled away from him finally. "I did, and now I need to get dressed." She grabbed his arm and pushed him back towards the mirror of her dresser. "And you're not allowed to watch." She answered, before he asked and shoved him in.

Like the real world a new day was beginning in Wonderland as well. The sky was clear, the birds were singing, the checkered grass was greener than it should be. It could have been Alice's blissful mood that was making the worlds colors sharper then it ever had been before. Or perhaps the blissful state of mind of one of Wonderlands more erratic residents as Richard made his way back home. The last few moments had been like a dream. And a most wonderful one at that. But unknown to the Hatter two very tall, very nosy chess pieces were coming to spoil that dream.

The news of the Hatter's engagement to Alice was kept a secret. Therefore everyone in Wonderland knew about before he had even gotten up the nerve to propose. Thanks to a rather loudmouthed rabbit in a waistcoat. And two women had a really important job to accomplish. Making their way to the gate of the other world, they knew it would be a difficult task. But they were royalty and they had an obligation to fulfill.

The White Queen grabbed her skirts as she clopped faster down the path. A snobby smile was on her face as she waved her hand so her sister could catch up. "Hurry up slowpoke!" She said as her equally snobby sibling bounded into view. "You’re so old your getting dry rotted!"

"Do not tell "me" to hurry!" The Red Queen growled as they both were headed to the swirling portal that lead right to Alice's world!

They both stopped at the portal and peered inside. They could see though the dresser mirror into Alice’s room. The girl had laid down on her bed to take a short nap before breakfast. The Hatter had kept her up most of the night trying to propose after all and now she was sound asleep.

"Look, how lazy she is... Sleeping at this hour." The White chess piece frowned with a loud tone, which made Alice pulling the covers to her head. "Let's get her ready for the day!" She cheered happily as they both held hands and shrunk down to the size of real world chess pieces before jumping into the mirror!

The two landed on the dresser top as the red slid to fast and fell off the edge rolling under the bed. The White Queen giggled a little bit and landed next to the chair near Alice's bed, and grew to normal size. Her crown almost hitting the ceiling.

The Red Queen grew to normal size opposite her sister and wrestled with her own crown that had gotten shoved over her eyes. "Oh blast it all....crown..." He pulled it off and fixed herself up. "There now.. We have much to do and lots of time to do it in!" She paused and then thought about what she had just said. "No..no..No time to do it in! Yes that’s it.."

The two queens then bent over the bed and stared at the young girl as she napped for what seemed like forever before one looked to the other. "Perhaps we should rouse her? This doesn’t seem to be working.."

The White Queen quickly grabbed the edge of the covers of the bed and pulled it making Alice slide closer to the edge. "Wake up, Alice! Your mentors are here!" But the Goth tried to hide her head under the pillow.

The Red queen just huffed looking at her sister. "Such an ungrateful girl. Not Queen material a’ tall.." She lifted her skirt and clopped to the other side of Alice’s bed. "Alice dear.." She said and abruptly smacked her on the head with her chess septar."Wakey wakeyyyyyy!" She said in a loud sing song voice. The Red Queen had never been known for her subtleness.

Alice made an unhappy sound from her throat as both queens continued irritating her. "Why don't you leave me alone? I’m so tired." She whined and opened her eyes sleepily. But the White Queen was there to teach her more than manners.

"But it's our duty to prepare you for marriage, honey." She smiled and tugged Alice up by her hand.

The Red queen nodded."Oh yes indeed! We heard about your engagement to that..hatter. So it is our duty to aid Wonderland's savior in her time of need!" She said and pulled Alice to the edge of her bed by her other hand. "Hurry along now!"

Alice was clawing the bed, resisting to the Red Queen's try of getting her out. So much had already happened to her. But then... emerald eyes were opened wide with what she said. "How do you know all that!?" She gasped and looked at the both chess queens with shock as she covered her ring hand.

The White Queen grabbed her arm pulling her to her feet at last as the two dragged her to the mirror. "Now now, Alice. We're going to Pale Realm." She smiled brightly as she forced Alice towards the portal.

The Red queen smiled. "Of course we know dear! We are Queens after all.." She blinked and then snapped a look at her sister. "No..We are taking her to the Red realm!" The tall red woman huffed."Shes so pale herself we will lose her in all those redicioulous white spaces!"

"No, to the Pale Realm!" The White Queen snorted. "We have a big library there. So we can educate her properly!" Alice just stared at them looking from one to the other as they argued. And hoping that her Aunt didn’t hear this. "The Pale realm and that’s final!" She said hitting her sister with her own scepter. She then grabbed a hairbrush from Alice's dresser and began to pull it though her hair. "There..can't have you looking like you just woke up."

The Red queen fumed. "..Fine!" She hissed and looked at Alice as her face changed in an instant. "OOoooohhhh!! Is that the ring he gave you? Let me seee!" She said grabbing her hand. "Sister come look!"

Alice couldn't help but blushing when the queens looked at her ring. "Isn't it beautiful?" She said with pink cheeks.

The White Queen smirked and pulled out a lipstick from nowhere, then pressing it against Alice's lips. "Tell us how he proposed!" She giggled as coloring the young woman's lips to a very bright red.

The Red queen smiled cheerfully.."Oh yes dear, do tell us every detail!"

"I..." said the young woman, remembering how clothes-less she was during that magical moment. "It's something private..." She said nervously.

The Queens faces fell at the same time as they spoke in unison. "Private?"

"Oh poo..Well that is no fun at all." The Red sighed and looked at her sister.

The White nodded. "Yes no fun no fun a’ tall..." They both gave a sad face before pulling Alice into the mirror as her world swirled away and Wonderland came into sight.

"Where are you taking me?" Alice asked curiously as the two taller women bounced ahead of her. "I think I know enough on my own thank you!"

The Red chess piece laughed as she paused letting Alice walk ahead. "No no no. If you are going to be a married woman we will have to talk about many important things!" She said and shoved Alice from behind as her sister pulled. "We already told you dear. You need education!"

"You have no one to inform you about these things in your world." The White laughed madly. "That aunt of yours would never care to teach you these. So it's our duty, Alice my dear."

Alice still didn't get it, but she just sighed and stopped resisting. There was no escape from these mad chess pieces. If she stopped resisting, perhaps it would be over sooner it seemed.

As they walked a familiar grin appeared in a tree above and watched Alice being hijacked. The Cat fully appeared on the branch and sighed. Those two were impossible to reason with. Sometimes worse then the Mad Hatter himself.

The Red Queen nodded. "Oh yes yes! We will teach you practical things!"

The Tulgy wood was a vast wilderness with only a few paths that wound their way in and out of it. But soon the trees gave way to huge towering mushrooms, each one almost as tall as the trees themselves were. The Fungiferous forest was the boundary line between Looking Glass land were the Hatter and his friends lived, and the Chess piece territory. Alice tread over the thick white tubers that grew criss-crossed over the broken stone path. The air was still and the forest at this time of the day was usually quiet and calm. But the young girl could remember how deadly it was when Wonderland was dark. Especially when your only three inches tall. Though now it seemed much more at peace then the last time when it was occupied by killer roses and hungry Antlions.

Even now in her normal size it was still a bit eerie as the fungus loomed over them. In the distance Alice could see the tops of off-white towers just beyond a large ridge of mountains. The Pale Realm was surrounded by steep rock on all sides. The same mass of stone that also led to Queensland where the dark castle lay in ruins near the Jabberwocky’s old lair. The white doorway itself came into view as the Queens pulled her along the checkered grass path.

When they stepped into the Pale Realm, not a trace of the damage done by the Naaxia remained. Alice was glad of it. As alien as the world of the chess pieces were, she did have a special regard for the Red and White realms. They were always so ordered, so organized. Even with the constant war going on between the two sides they always managed to keep everything in its place.

As the White Queen lead them to the library two white horse headed Knights held the doors open for them. Alice watched them carefully and remembered the last Knight she ran into. But these two looked over at her and bowed their heads out of respect. Everything around her was black and white and gray, even the books. In fact the only color in the entire room was herself, and the Red Queen. It took her eyes a few moments to get accustomed to the strange surroundings. Both the red and white realms had a creepy feeling to them, but it never bothered Alice much.

When the tall white chess piece pushed Alice to a seat in front of a long white table stacked high with books, there was a victorious smile on her face as she turned to her red sister. "Now we can start."

Alice sighed and just watching them with curious eyes.

Meanwhile the Cat had appeared in the Hatter's cottage as he materialized in bedroom.  He casually sat down at the edge of a large checkered bed with a straw stuffed mattress. The room was a mess and it was as if his entire room turned itself inside out. The Cheshire just watched as the Hatter was waist deep inside of his closet tossing bolts of material out one at a time.

"Where is it damn it all!" The Hatter sat back and rubbed his chin. He was in the middle of making a very special hat as the cat just sighed.

"Some husband you will make..." He purred.  

Richard looked over his shoulder at the cat. "Feline? You are the last person I wanted to see on my bed this morning..."

The Cheshire grinned. "Oh? I can leave if you wish. But if I do you may lose something near and dear to you." He said and leaned back as the light in his eyes seemed to grow dim and then bright again. "Or someone..."

Richard scratched the side of his head before returning to his work. "...I don’t follow..."

The Cat took in a breath, his riddles always seemed wasted on the Hat maker and for the first time in his nine lives...he decided to be blunt. "The Queens took Alice to the Pale Realm!" The Hatter stopped and turned just staring at him as the Cat rolled his eyes. "Not very quick are you?...They took her...To explain certain "intimate" womanly things..." The feline said and waved his paw in circles.

Richard just stared until something in his mind snapped as he popped up and ran to the door..But not before rushing back and grabbing the cat stuffing him under his arm!

"Alice, have you ever kissed someone?" The White Queen asked as the gothic girl raised both brows and looked between both queens.

Why was she asking such a thing? "Umm... Yes, I did." She answered quickly, feeling a bit uncomfortable with how this was going.

"Oh?" said the White, shifting her eyes questioningly. She wasn’t sure if Alice was telling the truth or making it up so they would let her go. "And with whom praytell?"

Now Alice was getting scared.

The Red Queen moaned at her sisters inept questions. "Well we must assume it was the Hatter! Who else would she be kissing!? That Simon fellow..?" She hunched her shoulders. "Now there was a boy with problems.."

The White Queen was rubbing her chin, giving serious faces to Alice. "Is it right, Alice? How many times did you kiss him? Was he the only one you kissed?" She continued asking and asking more.

Alice shifted on her seat and shook her head. "Richard is the only one. And I didn't count." She blushed as sliding down on her seat. "May I go now, if we're finished?"

The Red queen shook her head. "Oh no no..Much more to come. You need to learn from us if you are to be married." She then looked up at her sister and nodded.

The White Queen nodded back at her sister, then sat right beside Alice. "Alice...dear.. When two people love each other, they do more than kissing."

That certainly made Alice even more nervous and she flushed madly. She really didn't want to hear this issue from these crazy women. "I... I already know that. You don't need to teach me or tell me anything." She almost whined, wanting to run away.

But the White Queen was oblivious to the young girls awkward feelings. "But my dear Alice, you need to learn these things before you-"

Alice huffed and stood up cutting her off in the middle of her sentence. "Auntie should be waiting for me. I better go now."

The White caught her wrist and pulled her down to sit back. "No, Alice. You're not leaving until we're done. It's for your own good. I even brought models to explain it to you." She grinned and showed tiny chess pieces in her palm. One was red and the other was white. "The red one is male." She winked at her sister.

The Red Queen huffed. "Fine fine. Just show the girl already!" She said getting angry. "The red should be the beautiful girl in this story not white..." The Queen muttered under her breath.

"I don’t need your help with this..really. Can't I go now?" Alice sighed, not wanting to watch such a silly show with this madness.

"But, Alice. The art of making love couldn't be learned from books. And the Mad Hatter is quite good at that." She winked, smiling. Old memories filling her mind sweetly. "The Mad Hatter and I. We used to be a quite couple years ago."

The Red Queen rolled her eyes.."Oh for the love of...You were only a "couple" for a few short weeks when you were a pawn! I don’t ever remember if you even kissed!"

"We did so kiss! Many times!" The White Queen hissed back at her sister and then sighed with warm memories of her younger days. "He was so passionate about things. Like his tea..and his hats."

Suddenly Alice -who wanted to run away with all her speed- was no longer resisting and now she listening to the Queen. "Really?" Alice gasped and tried to imagine them together... as a couple?

The Red Queen huffed.."He was a cad. Always trying to get in her skirts. But he could never keep his mind on my poor dear sister oh no. He was always preoccupied with his ridiculous tea parties! Or running off with Time! Or that thing he said he was waiting for!"

The Hatter ran all the way from Tulgy woods to the Pale realm if record time it seemed. The poor cat hung lifeless in his arms from being bounced like a leather football. Richard had screeched to a halt at the white gates. His back was aching, and steam puffed out of the joints in his arms as if he were out of breath.

"If what ..I think ..is happening..is happening...ill make furniture out of those ..Queens!!!" He puffed had crept closer. Upon seeing the Knight guards he swiftly ducked behind the large pedestal in the center of the court and peeked around it. The doors to the Library were open and he could hear voices. "Feline...I’m going to need your help.." He said and looked down at the cat. A strange grin formed on the Hatter's face as it made even the Cheshire’s dry skin crawl.